Disclaimer: Grammar assimilation rejected. Opinions holon.
High on the heels of last night’s Lana Del Rey concert and many months down the blockchain rabbit hole, I have found Gawd. Five years ago I decided to stop trying to assimilate to the status quo and start living my life in the creative fashion I so desperately desired. My mom calls me a hopeless romantic (tbh tho I got many hope, much romance). I am trailblazing the decentralized lifestyle and realizing my worth comes from within. I am easing in to the understanding that I no longer require validation from a third party #no3pv Do you understand WTF I just said? It means I AM A SLUT. People, please. I am no longer uncomfortable saying it and if you feel any discomfort in my declaration then allow me to offer you a spliff and a listen to kendrick’s DAMN.
In my sluthood I have had the privilege to love some truly remarkable men. One of them I married, some of them I have never met irl, 2, maybe even 3 (ace?) are dead, some might be reading this and realizing they recognize this d0p3 4chan-stylistic work of art that is my textbaux and thinking 🤔 (hopefully ur getting a little hard right now lol hi bbs ilysm)
Please enjoy your boners because this journey is dedicated to Vitalik Buterin. He is a rare breed of human that I intend to seduce via hashtag #SedVit
If you don’t know Vitalik, well, he is the founder of ethereum. Basically a kid who went from saving video game worlds to saving actual worlds. Using blockchain technology and game theory he created smartcontracts which, among other things, present a platform of governance allowing for self sovereignty.
But this story is not about politics.
If you know Vitalik then let me disclaim a few things. Most importantly, when it comes to romance I am a massively overconfident person and if I didn’t think my chances with this guy were good I PROMiSE you I would never have paid the $19.99 WiFi access fee on the Chicago-London flight that I will refer to later. That is an extravagant amount of money for Wi-Fi for a 10 hour flight. Secondly, yes, I realize he is on the spectrum but that certainly does not mean he doesn’t have the capacity for romance. Vitalik may be evolved but he is not a robot. This seduction process will be different than one of a conformed human. Lastly, and in seeming contrast to the image that I project, I actually consider myself a nun. The religion is love and idol worship exists when two spirits collide with notions of intention, encouragement and passionate desire. When you idolize your soulmate then romantic relationships become worship and combining your sexual energy creates ecstasy. Vitalik embodies the spirit of god and I have a deep desire to worship him.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
But unlike the Bible this is not a story about sex.
This is the story of a CryptoCatfish and how the man I believed to be @VitalikButerin(n) hacked my heart, leaving my dreams temporarily shattered while scrubbing off the black Chanel eyeliner that scribed the words VITALIK over my broken heart.
If you feel the desire to contribute to my cause use hashtag #SedVit
In doing so you could effectively be saving the world. More importantly, of course, is that I will finally Get It In with an Idol, and to be honest that is all the reason you need because otherwise you’re just another miserable cockblock.... and in that case- I dare you to cockblock me. I have learned to work well under the pressures of naysayers. COME @ ME BROH and/ or Stay Tuned (to the vibrations) because at the end of this journey I promise there will be sex.
Day 1 Operation #SedVit
Vitalik posts on twitter that he will respond to anyone who questions him directly. I reply to that tweet asking him if he would prefer I flirt with him in public or private. Then as I am boarding the flight to London I hear a DING on my iPad. The only thing that DINGS on my iPad is a Twitter DM. Oh my God, could it be God Calling? OMG VITALIK face on my iPad. Direct message. Wtf. How did I pull that off so quickly... this Create. Manifest. Embody. Thing I have been preaching cannot actually be this easy. SHIT. Now I’m going to be compelled to pay the 19.99 for the WIFI. Vitalik Mutherfucking Buterin. The Spirit of God himself. “Privately 🙄” omgggggg he uses the eye roll emoji, that is SO HOT. Operation #SedVit is in full force. I do know that if I dip deep enough into my resources that I can make waves.
Omg!!!!!! “Let me know when you get to London and get settled.”
I messaged him, sent pictures, sang about him, man. But despite my efforts I didn’t hear from him again. Operation #SedVit on hiatus. I have to work hard to create balance in my life. As an addict I would seek pleasurable experiences, immerse myself completely in those feelings, then when they subsided I would allow myself to sink into the depths of despair, allowing myself to do this because of the “fact” that I was sick. I allowed this cycle to go on for years. In fall 2016 I was able to step out of the wheel of consumption. Now I am working on responsible consumption and with that I am learning to take special care in romantic relationships. Spiritual mates have the potential to generate love energy. In choosing to seek out spiritual mates, instead of a boyfriend or husband, I will consume less love energy and generate more love energy.
And then, on January 6, 2018, hours before I’m about to board a flight to Vegas, I decide to officially start my public campaign #SedVit in Las Vegas. So I get a DM from VITALIK! I tell him I’m going to create an experience for him. He tells me to send pics. So by this point I am so excited that I am in contact with Vit that I have actually start referring to him as “Vit” to my friend, DisruptionJoe. I tell him about Operation #SedVit. He offers to help and agrees to take the pictures for me...